While no one wants to see a positive result after an STI or STD screening, they’re extremely common. In fact, around one in five people have had an STI at some point. But, it’s also completely natural to feel confused, angry or stressed out about your positive result.
As STIs are spread through sexual contact, the first thing that you’ll be advised to by most STI screening services is to contact any previous sexual partners to make them aware of it.
While this can feel like an understandably awkward and intimidating conversation, it doesn't have to be that way at all. We’ve pulled together a helpful guide to help you talk to a sexual partner about your current STI status.
Should I tell my partner if I have an STI?
It can be tempting to put the conversation off entirely, but there are a few reasons why getting in touch with a partner or ex-partner is essential.
Firstly, while most sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are very easily treatable, some can affect fertility later in life if they’re not treated early on. As well as this, some STIs can cause further illness and farm, if they are left untreated.
If you don’t disclose (and also treat) an STI, there’s also the possibility that you can become reinfected if you have sex with the same person again.
How do I tell someone I have an STI?
If you have an STI, you should, of course, not have sex or perform any sexual acts with other people. But we’re all human beings and sometimes, things happen! Often, people may discover their STI status when it’s a little too late.
Extra level of care should be taken if you discover you have an STI or STD (sexually transmitted disease) while you’re in the middle of seeing someone. It can be really nerve-wracking to tell someone that you have an STI or STD after you’ve had sex, especially if you’re worried you may have passed it on to them. But, the first thing to do is put yourself in their shoes and imagine how you would feel.
It’s important to remember that getting a positive test result during a monogamous relationship doesn’t always mean that someone has cheated. While that’s certainly possible, STIs can often take a while to show up on a test, and many people don’t have any symptoms at all.
How to prepare to tell someone you have an STI
They may be upset or concerned for their health, so come to the conversation prepared with answers to the questions that you wanted to know. You don’t have to be an expert, but you should be aware of what the treatment options (for example, antibiotics) are.
Be direct when discussing STIs
In these situations, it can be easy to beat around the bush, but the best way to inform a partner is to be clear and direct. For example, ‘I tested positive for this STI last week and I wanted us to have a chat about it.’ Be completely honest with your partner and advise them to also seek medical treatment.
You can also practice having the conversation with a trusted friend or plan what you want to say in advance so that you can present the information in the best possible way. Allow your partner to share their thoughts and concerns - there are a lot of misconceptions about STIs - so, reassure them with the information that you have. Advise them that you’re being treated as it stands and you can also offer to attend a GP appointment with your partner for support.
How to have the chat with future partners after an STI
Even if you’ve been treated for an STI, you can become reinfected if you have sex with someone else that is carrying the infection, so having a chat about sexual health with any prospective partner can be really useful. You can also get an STI from contact with bodily fluids, such as blood, semen, or vaginal fluids.
You can open up the conversation by highlighting that you’ve been recently tested for STIs and you’re currently negative. Ask your potential partner about any risk factors you need to be aware of such as using drugs with needles or sex without a condom.
STI symptoms to look out for
If you’re having sex with someone and you don’t know their STI status, you can always protect yourself by wearing a condom or ensuring that your partner does. However, it’s worth keeping an eye out for symptoms even after your treatment.
The most common symptoms are:
- An unusual discharge from the vagina, penis or anus.
- Warts around your genitals or anus
- Strong vaginal odour
- Pain around the pelvis area
- Sores, bumps or blisters on penis, anus, or mouth
- Burning and pain with urine or with bowel movements
- Having to go to the bathroom often
- Pain during intercourse
If you’re still experiencing these symptoms or experiencing them for the first time, you should make an appointment with your primary healthcare provider and request a screening. Many STIs are symptomless, so, you should always book and attend regular STI screenings. If you have a vulva, you can also organise to do this whenever you have a smear test.
Well done for sharing your STI status!
The only real wrong way to tell somebody that you have an STI, is to not tell them at all. You might not be your most graceful or confident when delivering the news, but most nice people will be understanding and appreciate you giving them the heads-up.
Remember that experiencing an STI, whether you have one or a partner has shared their positive status with you, it’s not a reflection on you. Or your partner. By sharing your status with a prospective or previous partner, you’re making sex safer for everyone.