Welcome to a topic many of us may have experienced but rarely discuss openly. The delicate dance of desire and libido in relationships.

Let’s set the scene… It’s been a while since you and your partner connected sexually and you’ve never felt more desire for them than right in this moment. But, you flirt and proposition your partner only to be rejected for your advances. 

You’re left feeling unattractive, wondering what is wrong with you and why your partner would rather watch TV than get down and dirty in the sheets.

Fear not! This is a very common experience for many couples. It doesn’t mean that you’re sex life is doomed and even if it has been a few months you will probably have sex again. But, if this does feel like a recurring issue in your relationship, there are steps you can take to get back on the same page as your partner.

 

Approaching Different Libidos In Conversation

Sex can be a sensitive topic, especially if there’s a chance that your partner will walk away from the conversation thinking that you are unsatisfied with them! 

Approaching the topic requires finesse and compassion. Start by expressing your love and appreciation for your partner. Let them know that your overall goal is for you to work together to strengthen your connection. You both want each other to feel fulfilled in this relationship.

Make sure you have the points you want to say set up in your head. It’s best if you have a clear goal for this conversation. You don’t want to ramble or make your partner feel attacked. This is a discussion about how you feel and an opportunity for your partner to share their feelings equally.

Understand Your Partner’s Perspective On Why They Don’t Want Sex

You may be feeling like there is something wrong with you, but there may be many things contributing to your partner’s low libido.

For example, those with penis’s and those with vulva’s have different hormonal cycles. If your partner has a penis, they are more likely to get in the mood in the mornings, when testosterone is highest. For those with a vulva, you’re most in the mood around the time you’re ovulating.

Outside of hormonal cycles, stress and fatigue can be total mood killers. 

Mental health, such as struggling with anxiety or depression, can also significantly contribute to a lower sex drive. Other factors can include a history of sexual assault, or other traumatising events surrounding sex that can add pressure to intimacy for your partner. 

The main thing is to be empathetic and encourage open communication. You should create a safe space where your partner feels comfortable sharing their feelings and concerns. You may be the first person they’ve ever opened up to about these topics, and it’s vital that they feel safe and unpressured.

Start by getting to know what is going on in their head.

Schedule Sexy Time

Today’s fast-paced world means that we sometimes have to stop and force ourselves to take time for each other.

If you’ve had your conversation, and you understand each other’s perspective, it can be a fun idea to schedule your intimate time. 

 Treat it like any other important appointment, and the suspense leading up to your encounter can be exciting but also allows both parties to be physically and mentally prepared.

 

Mix Things Up In The Bedroom

Spice up your routine by experimenting with new positions, role-play and fantasies. Introducing new sex toys can be an exciting addition to your sex life, and the delivery countdown can add to the anticipation.

If your partner is still unsure about sex, mutual masturbation can be a fun way for you both to get your rocks off without the pressure of performance. Communicate and find common interests that will make both of you eager to get into the bedroom. And it doesn’t have to just be the bedroom! Exploring new areas of your home can elevate your play. 

 

Focus On Emotional Connection

Sex isn’t just about physical satisfaction, it’s a way to connect emotionally. You may want to connect with your partner, not just sleep with them. Engage in activities that strengthen your emotional bond, such as shared experiences, expressing gratitude and engaging in open communication.

A strong emotional connection can positively impact your intimate life and may even leave you feeling more connected than if you had slept with each other. 

 

Seek Professional Help

If the issue persists, consider seeking the help of a sex therapist or relationship counsellor. They can offer specific guidance tailored to your situation and offer advice and strategies for overcoming these hurdles together.

Remember, there’s no shame! Sometimes we need a little external help and guidance to get us on the right track.

 

If Your Relationship Is Strong Enough, You Can Achieve Anything Together

Mismatched libidos are a common challenge in relationships, but with open communication, empathy and a sprinkle of creativity you can navigate issues together to rekindle the flame in your relationship. Remember, it’s about creating an environment where you both feel valued, heard and satisfied. 

So, go out there and let the sparks fly!